


Before The Sun Sets

by alphera



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Hopeful Ending, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), References to Depression, References to Welcoming Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-06-09 01:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6883411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphera/pseuds/alphera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People make mistakes. Some mistakes are just costlier than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> CA:CW is basically taking over my life. I’ve written two fics so far, and now have this… which is going to be multi-chaptered. @_@ Which I do not recall ever doing before.
> 
> This is the heart attack fic I wanted to write since Tony first asked about his numb arm while rubbing his chest, and solidified even more when I saw his left arm in a sling even though I can’t recall him getting seriously injured on that side.
> 
> Title from One Song Glory - because basically here Tony just keeps thinking he has to keep doing things so he can make up for what he’s done, but time’s running out on him.
> 
> Unbeta’d because I didn’t want to subject poor [rougewinter](http://archiveofourown.org/users/rougewinter/pseuds/rougewinter) to this giant heap of angst.
> 
> Warnings:  
> I have no idea yet if this is going to be a fix-it or just be a cryfest. I want it to be the former, but the plot is hard to wrangle that direction. 
> 
> Contains possible character death. Definitely character dying. Also depression.

“Arm bothering you again?” Rhodey asks.

“A little, yeah.” Tony answers, rubbing his chest absently. “Some pretty serious heartburn too. I *knew* that thing Vision made smelled a little funky”

Rhodey shakes his head. “That’s what you get for trusting a being that never eats with your food.”

“Come on, you know it’ll hurt his feelings.”

“So you value his pride in his baking versus your actual life? Tones, you gotta stop spoiling your kid. He’s a big boy now. Actually, he’s always been a big boy.”

Tony rolls his eyes, and goes off to his workshop. He’s moved it up to ground level to give Rhodey an easier time visiting him. The feeling of exposure being so easily accessible gives him is a little uncomfortable, but in the grand scheme of things, that’s nothing to what Rhodey has to go through every day.

This decision may have saved Tony’s life.

Three months after the Avengers split up, Tony Stark collapses in his workshop. Rhodey is there to see it, manages to grab at Tony before he hits his head, and is able to administer CPR. FRIDAY calls the nearest hospital, and Vision readies the nearest jet and carries a barely conscious Tony to it.

They land at the hospital’s helipad, and Tony Stark is successfully brought in for surgery without a media circus following.

It’s a minor miracle, but one Tony richly deserves.

\-----

Bruce comes back home sometime during Tony’s second week in hospital.

The news about the Accords and Steve’s subsequent desertion reach even the most remote corners of the world, and Bruce can't ignore it.

He would've been back earlier, except he'd more or less scrapped the jet he took with him. It was kind of too bulky for someone on the run.

He hates Ross, but he understands people’s fear. He understands the need for limitations and accountability. And just because he doesn't want to be an active member of the team doesn't mean he doesn't want to be there for his friend.

Tony Stark is the first friend he's made after he became the Hulk. There's no way Bruce is going to let Tony down now.

Rhodes is still undergoing therapy, and Vision freaks the staff out. Bruce takes charge of all the medical concerns, and his heart breaks more and more every hour he sits beside Tony’s bedside.

Bruce shouldn’t be the only one here. None of them are the one Tony wants most to be here for him. But Steve chose his own path, and it was too late to turn back.

Steve’s not allowed to dangle Tony around anymore. Bruce won’t let him.

\-----

Iron Man doesn’t retire. Peter Parker was officially taken in as an intern in Stark Industries even before the attack, and when Tony is hospitalised, he starts spending half of his internship hours remotely piloting the Iron Man suit. Peter is alternately too chatty or too quiet when piloting it, but that’s fine. As long as the voice modulators work and no one finds out the suit’s empty, no one will ever find out.

Peter feels honoured to have been chosen. Tony Stark is basically every nerd’s idol. He is the genius everyone wanted to be - rich, successful, and most of all, popular. When you’re a maths and science nerd who’d rather dive into books and theories over making friends, it gets lonely. Tony Stark is the living proof that you can still have it all. Nothing about Peter’s first encounter with the man changed this. He was so cool, had equally cool friends, and had that air of command Peter could only ever dream of having.

But now that Peter’s spent so much time with the guy, he just feels bad for Tony.

Tony Stark. Genius billionaire superhero. One with no family, few friends, and the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Peter wishes he could do more, but for now - he’ll give this job all he’s got. It’s the least he could do.

\-----

Pepper hasn’t been this stressed since Afghanistan. Even with Extremis, it wasn’t this bad. Extremis was a little too… fantastical. Even if she knew it was real, that there was every chance she and Tony could die, it wasn’t like… this.

She guesses she’s gotten used to bad guys. Bad guys can be fought back. Sure it’s dangerous, but Tony hasn’t lost yet. 

A failing heart, however…

This is not something anyone can fight back. They can only trust in the doctors, and in medical science, and… hope.

Pepper hasn’t gotten as far as she has on hope and uncertainties. In fact, the feeling makes her so uncomfortable that she’s given up what she and Tony were building together so she could experience it less. Sometimes she wishes she never broke up with him - but not breaking up would’ve been unfair to both Tony and herself. She isn’t who Tony really wants, and Tony… no amount of love is enough for her to go through all of that worry every single day. 

Distance has helped her a lot, and probably would’ve helped Tony if things didn’t just… happen all at once. Right now, though, not even distance is helping her. She’s not Tony’s girlfriend anymore, but here she is, still hoping and waiting on life to throw her a bone and keep Tony alive. She feels guilty thinking it, but she’s still glad they’re broken up. She’s not ready for this to happen to someone she’s chosen to be the centre of her life.

Tony’s still one of her closest friends. Possibly her best friend. And she’ll still be here for him. Just in a different capacity than what they were getting used to.

She prays. 

\-----

If one really thought about it, despite being born in an adult form and from the brain of the most advanced AI in the world, Vision is only four years old. 

Right now, he feels his youth acutely.

The Avengers are a broken husk of who they once were. The world is in an uproar. Wanda is gone. And now, Tony Stark is in a hospital bed, fighting to stay alive.

Seeing Tony so still and quiet is unsettling. Vision is used to him being vibrant, used to him sharing his inexhaustible energy with the rest of the team. But, as Vision has apparently forgotten, Tony Stark is human, and humans have limits. And while Tony’s limits are not as short as others - it looks like he’s reached it now.

Wanda isn’t the only one important to him. The Avengers, and especially Tony Stark… they all hold a place in what people would call his “heart.” So many are lost to him now, and to have the brightest among them dim like this… 

Vision doesn’t know what to do. As with after Germany, there are no actions left to be taken. All that is left… is to wait.

\-------


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony doesn’t want to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Feelings of depression and wanting to give in and die are tackled.
> 
> This story has no beta, because I do not want to subject my usual one with this giant tsunami of angst. That said, if anyone wants to read through this, please feel free to contact me.

Tony refuses to die of a heart attack. If Afghanistan and the wormhole didn’t kill him, this shouldn’t either.

He lived through those for a reason, and he has too much he has to do before he gives up the ghost.

But he’s just so tired. He’s been tired for so long. He doesn’t remember how it started - was it before or after his parents died? But half the time, it feels like time is a thick, viscous thing, dragging him back as he tries to move forward. 

The only way to escape is to move forward. Let momentum take him and keep running on, never looking back. Standing still meant nightmares, meant letting the tight feeling in his chest bloom until it took his breath away and left him a choking, heaving mess not fit to be seen. Standing still means letting weakness take over, and letting weakness take over means failure.

But he’s so tired, and nothing he’s done is working anyway.

He’s never been enough for Howard. Never enough for Obie. Nothing he’s ever done as Iron Man could ever make up for failing to see what was happening in his own company, for all the lives SI has taken. 

And then last year, the project he’d spearheaded, had convinced Bruce to take on - it tried to take over the world. It destroyed a city and drove Bruce away and created a rift in the Avengers that wasn’t there before. A rift that kept growing underneath everything, until finally something snapped and they became what they are now.

Everything Tony touches breaks. He remembers the dream he had in that HYDRA base right before Ultron happened, and wonders if maybe the reason they all die is not because he hasn’t done enough, but because he’s done too much.

He dreams of Howard breaking his heart. He dreams of Obie ripping it out of his chest. He dreams of Steve slamming his shield into the reactor. 

Maybe these are all signs. Maybe he’s been overstaying. Maybe these people are right. 

Maybe his time is up. Maybe he’s used up all his chances, and it was time to just… go.

If he dies, then he’ll stop fucking people over, won’t he?

\-----

Happy’s the one who finds the flip phone. 

They all know about it. Jim was there when the package was delivered, and he wasn’t shy about showing his disapproval about it.

“People have to live with the consequences of their actions.” Jim says more than once. “Sometimes sorry just doesn’t - and shouldn’t - cut it.”

It’s tough, watching the team break like this. He knows how important it is for all of them - Tony, Jim, Vision… and also those who’ve left. He knows it’s killing them all inside to be where they are now.

But what’s done is done, and Jim is right. There are always consequences.

Even so, he thinks they all deserve a chance. When he finds the phone as he’s packing up some stuff to bring to the hospital, he flips it open and turns it on. There’s only one number in the address book, and he presses the call button.

It rings. Once. Twice. Thrice.

It goes into voicemail.

Happy doesn’t think it’s anything vindictive. It’s a cheap phone they’ve sent, and Steve’s is probably equally cheap. It doesn’t matter what kind of fancy things they’ve done to make it untraceable, or to boost its signal - sometimes calls just don’t push through. Steve and the others are on the run - it’s very likely for them to be in places too remote to reach, or to become too busy, or to be in situations where it is too dangerous to answer. 

What if it had been Tony calling, though? 

Happy can see it clearly in his mind. Tony, alone, taking the phone out of his drawer. Hesitating before pressing the green button. Listening with rapt attention as the phone rings, and rings, and rings. Tony’s face when it rings through. The bitterness and the betrayal, and underneath it all, the confirmation to himself that he isn’t worth anything, that he deserves to be treated that way.

It's all probably an innocent mistake. Steve’s only human, there are things he’s bound to overlook sometimes. But when his mistakes cost so much, maybe it’s time to tip the scale a little; make sure he doesn’t hurt Tony any more than he already has because of his mistakes.

Happy pulls apart the phone and throws the broken bits of it away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's happening on the other side.

Sometime during their exile, Steve starts obsessively watching out for media appearances of The Avengers. Just because he disagrees with them doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about them anymore. 

He worries. A lot. Tony’s never had a good history of taking care of himself, Rhodey is hurt, and Vision’s always been so lonely, even back when the team and Wanda were around.

He wishes there was another way. He wishes they hadn’t fought. But he can’t compromise on freedom. He can’t look away when others are suffering. He can’t ignore what needs to be done just because politicians want him to. He stands by what he told Tony - the safest hands are still their own.

He doesn’t regret doing what he did. He can’t regret doing what was right. But god, he misses them.

War Machine is still on medical leave, but Rhodey gives a couple of interviews. They are all very articulate and level headed. Vision is always an awe-inspiring image in disasters, but reporters rarely ask him questions because they are all still a little uncomfortable with his not-quite-human way of responding to questions. Tony, meanwhile...

Steve misses Tony’s face.

Iron Man remains an active member, helping out whenever he’s needed, doing an exemplary job as an Avenger. But the faceplate stays up. The interviews stop. He talks, but always through the mask.

Tony sounds and moves different, and something about that unsettles Steve. 

A million scenarios run through his mind. Tony still being injured, Tony exhausting himself, Tony forgetting to eat or sleep or do any multitude of things people need to do to stay healthy.

He spends a truly embarrassing amount of time staring at his phone.

He’s tempted to call, but… the ball’s in Tony’s court now. Steve can’t call. It should be Tony’s choice. Steve shouldn’t force the issue.

The phone stays on Steve at all times. Sometimes, keeping it safe limits Steve’s movements and options, but he’s determined to keep his promise to be there if Tony needs him. When Happy tries to call, however, Steve is in an underground bunker following up leads on HYDRA stragglers. The bunker was made to be impenetrable, and Steve’s phone is turned on in his pocket but there’s no signal. 

Steve never finds out.

\-----

Wanda’s been sitting out of a lot of missions lately. She joins when she’s needed, but she’s enjoying just… being normal. Walking around cities and towns with no fear, no anger in her or around her… She hasn’t felt like this in a long time.

She doesn’t know why she’s never done this before - don a disguise and gone out to live.

Today, Steve is joining her. He looks ridiculous with his overgrown beard and dyed-brown hair, but Wanda supposes she looks even weirder with her short black hair and fake nose. She misses being outside with everyone, but the larger the group the greater the attention they grab, and they just cannot afford that.

She’s the only one with Steve when the live broadcast of Iron Man is shown in the restaurant’s tiny outdated television, and she wishes that at least Sam had been there too. Sam would have known what to do.

The TV is on the news, and they don’t understand a word of what’s being said. But suddenly the restaurant is much more quiet, and everyone turns to the broadcast, which is showing a smoking crater in the middle of a desert. It is clear there was once a some form of structure there, but now there is nothing left but ruins and sand that’s turned to glass all around it. She wonders what has happened, and, if things hadn’t changed so quickly, if it was something they would have been called to help prevent. 

The hush seems disproportionate. While it seems like a tragic event, humanity tends to be indifferent. This level of silence seems like one reserved for events such as the Chitauri, Lagos, or Sokovia. Why are people caring so much now about a remote facility in an unpopulated area?

And then the news cuts to what looks like the scene before the destruction - a modest, unassuming looking settlement amidst all of the sand. And then Iron Man flies into the area, and men come out of seemingly nowhere to shoot him down. Iron Man disables them, and disappears into a house. The video is put on timeskip, and for a few moments absolutely nothing happens. 

And then everything blows up.

There is no sign of Iron Man.

Steve stands and takes an abortive step forward. Wanda’s grip on her fork slips. On TV, Vision arrives with a rescue team and the newscast gets cut.

They go back to their hotel, and the others are looking at the explosion on the internet. Headlines scream at them from the computer screen. There’s too much speculation and too little fact - the area is deemed too dangerous for the media to come close to, so all they see are long distance shots of the fray, the smoke obscuring much of what’s happening. 

Steve brings out his phone, places one call, then two, then three. He doesn’t stop trying to get through until hours later, when the rescue team pulls out.

There is no sign of Tony, and things become desperate enough that they start calling phone lines that they know are probably watched. 

No one answers.

The next day, newspapers the world over all carry a variation of the same theme: “Iron Man falls where he had first risen? Avengers unreachable post Afghan explosion” 

Everyone is pale and quiet. Even with all that’s happened, no one can deny they care. Except for Scott, Tony’s touched all of them in his own way. He’s built them weapons and armour and even toys when they’ve needed it. He’s listened to them and joked around with them and fed them. He built them a house. A home. Even Wanda, who carried such hatred and anger for him for years, is not unaffected.

She wonders what would have happened, if she had just stayed home. But at the same time, she knows that Steve would never have stopped. That, one way or another, much of the same events would have still come to pass. There would still be Avengers at home and Avengers… who are not. There would still be fighting and distrust and bitterness. All of this started even before the Accords, and she doubts anything could have happened during that fight that would have saved them.

She knows, because she helped sow the seeds of their destruction in that HYDRA facility over a year ago.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iron Man retires. Natasha visits.

Retiring Iron Man is not a conscious decision. Peter and Bruce and even Vision have been working overtime to repair the suits that they have available and updating them as much as they can. The problem is that they only had two suits left they could use as Iron Man, and one of them just exploded with a terrorist cell.

The truth of the matter is, they had incomplete intel. They decided to send the Iron Man alone because everything pointed to a small straggler bunch of AIM scientists. No one knew the Ten Rings were in on it, or that they were there to develop experimental weapons based on the Jericho and alien tech. Most of all, no one expected one of the scientists to blow up the entire base in an effort to “cleanse himself of his sins.”

They have only one suit now, and without Tony, building another will take far too long, and if they take out the one suit they have left, any substantial damage to it will warrant at least a month’s hiatus. They’re already walking on thin ice, with “Tony Stark” never appearing in public without the suit. Tony’s never taken very long between public appearances - the only exception being Afghanistan.

Besides, everyone saw the explosion, and how there were no bodies recovered. Everything Vision and the rescue team brought out were in small boxes. Mostly things to be kept for evidence and investigation, but also parts of the Iron Man armour.

They give it a couple of days before someone in the rescue team cracks and breaks NDA to share that last tidbit. 

Everything is tied up so neatly that they decide to make the announcement within 24 hours.

James Rhodes, in his new state-of-the-art prosthetics, stands before a sea of journalists with his prepared statement. It is purposefully couched to be vague, and banks on shock and James’ vulnerable physical appearance to avoid much inquiry. He announces that the Iron Man has retired from The Avengers, and that Tony Stark is indisposed and will not be open to any interviews in the near future. He reassures the public that Vision will remain an active Avenger, and that soon War Machine will be ready to serve. He reveals that Black Panther of Wakanda is in the process of joining the team.

He does not say Tony is dead, because he is not. He is lying in bed, unaware of most of what’s happening, his heart being helped along by machines. He might still die, but at this moment, he is not yet there. He is fighting, and his friends are helping him fight.

Public opinion is split. Most believe Tony survived but is in critical condition, but there are those who believe that James Rhodes’ words on retirement and his vagueness in describing Stark’s condition means that Tony Stark is dead. Regardless of which they believe, people mourn his absence anyway. And not just Iron Man, but Tony Stark as well. People he’s saved, students he’s supported, employees he’s taken care of. He was a hero to all of them, just in different ways, and they all mourn Iron Man  _ and _ Tony Stark himself. They hold gatherings supporting him, give out shirts and flags and stickers with his helmet’s face on them. News cycles dedicate segments to his life and his accomplishments, and they interview people whose lives he’s touched in either identity.

And yet the man himself still thinks he is worth nothing.

\-----

Natasha doesn’t apologise. She stands by what she said before. Tony could have done with stepping down a little, making Cap and the others feel less like they needed to fight. Made the others more comfortable with the idea slowly and steadily instead just pushing back. She stands by what she said - Tony is the one amongst all of them who needs to watch his back the most. But she regrets making him feel that she is angry at him, that she blames him for the rift between their family. She doesn’t.

The Avengers are the only family she’s ever had. In fact, the Avengers are the only family a lot of them have right now. And yet they let distrust fester and agendas matter and let the world tear them apart. What’s happened is on  _ all _ of them.

She is let in Tony’s hospital room without a fuss. She knows then that Tony’s never told anyone about their talk on the balcony. Perhaps he’s even defended her decision to disable T’challa and let Steve go. This is not surprising. Tony’s always had a blind spot for the people he loves, and she knows without a doubt that he loves  _ every single _ Avenger.

It’s too bad that the others aren’t smart enough or observant enough to see that, or maybe they could’ve avoided this whole mess in the first place.

Natasha sits on the end of Tony’s bed and places a warm hand on his ankle. This is the man who’s done nothing but try and try and  _ try _ , who has wanted nothing but love and family and acceptance, who built them a home and who has always watched over them, but is always too afraid of getting close because he’s afraid of being hurt and also of hurting others.

She imagines the bitterness Tony must have felt, for Natasha to have been there for Steve when Steve needed her most, but for her to have left when  _ Tony _ needed her. 

She hopes that when Tony wakes up, he’ll know that she’s here for  _ him _ , this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This felt a little awkward, but... I hope it was ok!
> 
> Halfway there! This is officially going to be either a good or hopeful ending now!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone just wants to go home.

“You guys heading home?” Clint asks, as soon as Sam answers the phone.

“Yeah. Probably not a good idea, but… it’s impossible to stop this guy when he’s made up his mind.” Sam answers.

“Tell me about it.” Clint says, and Sam hears a door opening and closing in the background, followed by the sound of running feet.

“Is it Auntie Nat, daddy?” Lila asks.

“No honey, it’s Uncle Sam.” 

“Oh.” Lila says, and the disappointment is clear even through the tinny phone line. “Hi Uncle Sam! Hope you’re having fun abroad! Bye!” 

Sam shakes his head as he hears Lila running back outside, now that she knows it’s only boring Uncle Sam on the line.

“One day, I will win that child over.”

Clint snorts. “Not likely. She only really likes Laura and Nat.” 

The bitterness in Clint’s voice is clear, and Sam frowns.

“Things still a bit rocky at home, huh?” 

“Yeah. Well, we’ve had to move to a new house in case the old one’s been compromised. No one’s thrilled at being uprooted. Laura is also especially upset. Says I shouldn’t have taken sides, and i quote, ‘just because one of the kids got grounded. You’re not their parent over there, Clint. You’re a parent  _ here _ ’.”

Sam whistles. “Sounds like it might take a while.”

Clint grimaces. “Yeah. Pretty much. Would also be a bit better if I’d kept my mouth shut when I got here. Turns out Stark pretty much arranged for everything, and she’s pretty pissed at me for being pissed at Stark.”

Sam raises an eyebrow. “Stark? I thought Natasha did it?”

“Well. This is Stark land… or actually, maybe it’s still under his mom’s family’s name? Either way. Stark land, Stark jet that Natasha used, Stark money that greased the wheels, Stark tech keeping us hidden… Basically Nat did the fieldwork, because she’s awesome at that. But 100% of the resources came from him. They moved them out here right after the fight in the airport. Nat says Ross was watching out specifically for inactive Avengers, and there was a risk that the farm got compromised when I left it.”

“Well that’s awkward.” Sam says, after a beat of silence. Out of all of them, Clint has been the most angry at Tony, and Sam recalls Clint communicating that anger very clearly to Tony in the Raft.

“Yep.” Clint answers, popping the ‘p’. “But look, that’s not why I called. I just wanted you guys to know, if you’re heading back stateside, my place is open. Nowhere safer from prying eyes than here, or so Nat tells me.” 

Clint lets out an explosive sigh.

“Just… this is a clusterfuck, Sam.”

“I know.”

“Think our beloved leaders will finally talk things through? You know, get back together after the divorce?”

Sam laughs humorlessly. “Well. Considering that, apart from ideological differences, dad left mom for another man, I’m not sure how it’ll work out exactly.” 

Another beat of silence on the line.

“But… Steve’s definitely up for talking. For real this time. Nothing like the fear of death to open up one’s mind and all.”

“Yeah…”

“Do you know anything? What’s up with Tony?”

“Nat hasn’t told me a lot, but… he’s alive. That’s something I’m sure of. But he’s got everyone worried.”

“How worried?”

“Just…” Another sigh. “Look. I’m not sure about this, but I think he’s been out of it for a while. Even before this explosion. Just… be prepared. You might find something you don’t expect.”

“Got it. I’ll try to hold things together ‘til we get there.” Sam says.

“Get in touch if you need me.” Clint says, and ends the call.

\-----

King T’challa helps them get stateside in record time, but doesn’t give them any more than that.

“I have signed the accords.” He tells them. “I have no problem keeping Barnes in statis, because I truly believe he is a victim in all this. But harbouring vigilantes is not something I wish to become habit. I will help you get where you need to be, but after that, I am afraid you will have to go on your own. May your decisions henceforth be guided by wisdom.”

It is possibly the most passive aggressive speech Scott has heard in his lifetime, which, he guesses, makes sense because kings are basically politicians. 

Well, at least they’re home now. More or less. 

God, he misses Cassie. 

Right after they got busted out of prison, he was given a chance to go back to the US with Clint, but he didn’t take it. He didn’t know if going to see Cassie or Maggie or Hope was safe. No matter how much he missed them, he refused to risk their safety. And if he was just gonna tag along with Clint and not see any of his own family anyway, he figured he might as well see this through until the end.

But now, Clint’s offering him a chance to see Cassie.

“I’ve talked to Nat about it, and she says she’s willing to help. You’d have to lay low here most of the time, and I don’t know if you’d be able to physically visit them anytime soon, but at least we can secure a video feed for you on a regular basis.”

He wants to say yes. He really does. But as much as he misses them, Cassie has Maggie and Jim to keep her safe, and Hope sure as hell can take care of herself. Cap, though… Cap may need a lot of help. Now that the fighting’s over and the initial awe of Cap’s reputation has kinda muted a bit, it’s easy to see that he’s just a kid. A kid a little unsure of himself but desperate to do good. And all he’s got now is Wanda, who is even younger, and Sam, who shouldn’t be the only pillar keeping them all standing.

A couple of hours after Clint’s initial offer and Scott’s almost decided on staying with Cap, but Sam sits next to him on the porch and lays a hand on his shoulder.

“You done good, Lang. I can’t thank you enough for helping us out. But we’re heading home now, and so should you. Go see your daughter and your lady. I’ve got this.”

Scott turns to Sam. “You sure you can take care of those kids on your own?”

“Won’t be the first time I’ve done it.”

They sit in silence for a moment, and then Scott nods.

“Thanks. I’ll stay here then, work something out to see Cassie and stuff.”

“Great. You go do that.” Sam says, patting him on the back before going back inside.

Scott really hopes Sam’s got it covered.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha visits, Tony wakes up, and Steve desperately tries to believe things will go back to the way they were before.

“Hey” Natasha says as Tony opens his eyes.

“Oh god, I thought I got rid of you.” Tony mutters, rolling his eyes. It’s almost marginally believable, except his lips quirk up a little.

“Never getting rid of me, Stark.” Natasha says, smiling a little.

Tony visibly relaxes, and Natasha smiles a little easier. She lets go of Tony’s ankle and moves up a little, and lays gentle fingers on Tony’s shoulder.

“You alright?”

Tony smiles. “Always.”

“Make sure it stays that way.”

Tony grips Natasha’s hand, and it’s so weak Natasha’s hand almost twitches a little in shock.

“I will.” Tony says, and Natasha knows he’s lying. Just like before they went out to fight Steve at the airport. Tony’s not okay, and he hasn’t been for a long time.

She doesn’t know if he’s lying to her or to himself.

They sit there, joking around, skirting around any serious topics, and when Natasha stands Tony catches her wrist.

“Swing by anytime, Nat.”

Natasha puts her free hand on Tony’s.

“Of course.”

 

\-----

 

Time’s ticking, and he’s got no options.

Extremis helped him extract the shrapnel from his heart, but the dose he took - the safe dose - wasn’t enough to fully heal an already weakened organ. So now, he needs new parts for his heart, and basically an entire replacement once they can find one that fits. He’d really like for them to get on with the program, but the doctors are putting off operating because they don’t completely understand Extremis’ effects yet.

It’s really too bad the cradle’s still incapable of growing compatible organs. It’s kind of funny how it’s easier to build an entirely new body than build a new, compatible, heart. Now, if only he could download his brain into a new body…

Tony’s time is running out, and he’s not sure he minds.

He’s been dreaming a lot about Yinsen. Not the cave, exactly. Just Yinsen. Which is probably a good thing, because he’s not sure his heart can handle all his usual nightmares right now.

Yinsen gave him a chance to stop being the “man that has everything, but has nothing.” He died to give Tony that chance - and also so he could be with his family again. A family he loved so much he decided that living without them was not something he wanted to do.

_“This was always the plan, Stark.”_

Tony talks to Yinsen in his dreams.

“I tried.” He tells Yinsen. “I tried doing something with my life. But I keep messing things up. I found my family, but I broke it apart. And one day, they’re going to die because of me.”

“How do I stop messing things up?”

“How do I do better?”

“How do I keep them safe?”

Yinsen never talks back, but it’s good to talk to someone he can’t hurt any more than he already has.

He rose from the ashes of Afghanistan and gathered a family around him, and six years after, Tony finally knows how Yinsen felt - that desperate need to just _be with them_.

But he’s not a good man like Yinsen was. All he does is cause pain and death and destruction. Yinsen’s family would have welcomed him with open arms. Tony’s family… might not even want him around.

Howard certainly didn’t. Obie certainly didn’t.

But when he wakes up it’s to the feeling of a warm hand on his ankle, and when he opens his eyes Natasha’s there, face serious but concerned.

Peter doesn’t know enough about Tony to know what Tony’s _really_ like. Pepper, Bruce, Happy, Rhodey, and even Vision… they would lie to him to make him feel better. But Natasha won’t.  Not for him.

So when she sits there, telling him he can’t get rid of her… he believes her.

Tony relaxes, takes a deep breath, and vows to fight.

 

\-----

 

The facility is empty. Steve never thought this could be a possibility. The Avengers have been the single constant in his life since waking up in the ice, and to see their home so quiet makes his heart beat uncomfortably fast.

It’s eerie. The only things that’ve changed are new machines for Rhodey’s PT and the transfer of Tony’s workshop to ground level. Otherwise, everything is exactly as they left them. Their rooms are closed but not locked, and when Steve enters his, he sees the books he’d left scattered on his desk still there.

There’s no dust.

Someone’s been cleaning around their things without touching anything. It’s quiet, yes, but it does not feel abandoned or stuffy or un-lived-in. Like a house that’s been left closed up while the inhabitants take a vacation. Empty, but ready for people to come home.

But the reality of life is that people _don’t always get to go home._

Steve shoves down the fear roiling in his gut. He’s home now. Him, Wanda, and Sam. All they have to do now is wait for the rest of their family. He has to believe that they’ll all come back - that they’ll all be together again.

He has to.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat pays a visit to the facility. Wanda reflects.

The Avengers facility is built for activity. The total stillness grates on all of their nerves, and Sam is afraid they’ll be left alone there until Steve starts climbing the walls.

He’s wrong though, thankfully. Natasha is there within the day, while they’re in the TV room watching the news.

“You won’t find anything there,” she says, and Sam just about jumps out of his skin.

Steve turns to talk to her before Sam’s heart even starts slowing down.

“Nat. How are things?” Steve asks, his eyes focused intensely on Nat’s face.

Nat raises a brow. Everyone knows what Steve really wants to ask. Sam can see the brief moment wherein Nat considers making Steve work for it, but in the end her affection for Cap shines through. She sighs, and answers in the kindest voice Sam has ever personally heard from her.

“I asked you once, to stay out of something, that it’ll only make things worse. You know now that I was right. So please, listen to me this time. Stay out of this.”

Steve’s jaw tightens.

“Nat.”

“You can’t punch your way out of this one, Steve.” 

Steve looks stricken enough that Wanda looks away uncomfortably. Sam is tempted to follow suit.

“Nat - ” Steve says, lifting one hand towards Natasha’s shoulder.

Natasha puts her hand on Steve’s and squeezes once.

“You’re not the one that needs me this time.” She says, before gently letting go of Steve’s hand and walking away.

 

\-----

 

Natasha sends them Ross’ facility sweep schedule, and tells them the cleaning service isn’t allowed into the private areas. As long as they are neat and keep inside their rooms when there are prying eyes, they are safe.

Wanda feels like she’s been skipping from one prison to another. The only time she’s been free in the past few years was when they were on the run - when she pretended she was someone else.

She tries not to put too much meaning into it, but it is difficult.

She’s always been so sure of her worldview, and being able to see inside people's heads only exacerbated that. But now, she's starting to learn that sight is not the same as insight, and the only way to gain the latter is to stop and observe and reflect. 

So when Steve and Sam start talking, Wanda resists the urge to leave, to go to her quiet room and lie down on her bed and ignore the world just a moment longer. She has to stay here, in this room, if she wants to learn about the people she’s come to care about. So she doesn't move. She listens.

“Steve. I encouraged you once not to trust someone you wanted to trust. And that guy risked everything to run to Siberia for you. I think I’ve learned my lesson. And I think you’ve learned yours too.”

“Sam, I just want to know what’s happened. That’s it.”

“You can’t keep picking at a scab and not expect it to bleed over. I’m not sure you remember, but we fought them. For Bucky. That was a decision we made from the start. And Bucky deserved that - to have people fight for him, after everything he’s been put through. But Tony and Rhodes and Vision - they didn’t even know what we were fighting for. We never told them what we were fighting for. We didn’t give them the chance to. We have to stop making these decisions for them, Steve. We have to trust our friends enough to sit down and listen to them before we run in with our guns blazing.”

“I can’t just sit here and do nothing, Sam. You know that.”

“And Natasha’s already told you that you can’t punch your way out of this one. If Tony’s not well, what do you expect to do? Will you being there even be a comfort to him? We’ve all hurt each other Steve, and it’s not right to force our presence into someone’s vulnerable moment just to make ourselves feel better. Sometimes our choices have consequences we never imagined. That’s a reality. Everyone has regrets. What’s important is we learn from it. Maybe this time, the lesson is that sitting something out isn’t the same ignoring something, Cap. Maybe some actions are worse than inaction.”

Steve buries his face in his hands, and Wanda wants to look away. But Sam is right. Actions can have consequences no one could ever have imagined. What’s happened to them is, in part, a consequence of hers, so the least she can do is to  _ keep paying attention  _ despite her discomfort.

“I can’t lose any more people, Sam. I can’t.”

Sam doesn’t say anything, but Wanda knows he’s thinking the same thing she is. That weeks ago, in a cold bunker in Siberia, Steve might have already lost this one. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vision visits the facility. Wanda visits Tony. Steve feels lost.

Vision visits them within the week. His aim, of course, is to see Wanda.

Steve spends over an hour arguing with Vision about “the others,” but Vision is like a brick wall. It is transparent to all who Steve really wants to hear about, and it is equally as transparent that Vision holds the Captain accountable for  _ something. _ What that something is, Sam and Wanda are almost afraid to find out.

In one corner is a super soldier, and on the other an immortal android. Both as stubborn as the other. The argument probably would have continued indefinitely - if not for Wanda.

“Please stop fighting.”

Steve’s lips pinch, but he nods and turns to leave the room. Sam follows. Vision stays. Wanda knows what she has to do.

“Vision. It is good to see you.”

Vision stares quietly at Wanda, and there is something in his eyes that Wanda cannot place, but freezes her heart in her chest anyway.

“It is as I’ve said.” Vision says “Conflict breeds catastrophe.”

“Catastrophe… is that what this is, Vision?”

“Perhaps.”

They are silent for a few moments, and then Vision begins talking again.

“Before all this, I did not think that it was possible for me to be distracted, and yet recently I have found myself constantly in that state. This past month, especially.”

“Vision, what’s happened in the past month?”

Vision blinks and stares at her.

“I do not understand. I want to stop being afraid, Vision. And I need to understand. Please, help me. This catastrophe... I helped create it with my powers. So please, help me understand it. So I know how my powers affect others. So I can one day control it.”

Wanda’s heart is beating twice its normal rhythm. This is her only chance. If Vision disagrees, then there is little hope of them getting through to the others. He is the best hope they have of heading back towards the peace that they all once enjoyed.

“I shall see.”

Wanda hopes for the best.

 

\-----

 

Rhodey supervises Wanda’s visit.

If it were up to Rhodey, she wouldn’t even be here. None of the others deserve to be here. But Vision asked, and Tony, of course, agreed.

Helen Cho is on standby outside Tony’s room in case she’s needed, and Bruce is monitoring Tony from somewhere it’s safe to green out.

Everyone’s a little on edge. Among Tony’s support group, only Nat, Vision and Rhodey really know Wanda. All the others know about her is her role during Ultron. And truth be told, even his own familiarity with Wanda does not really comfort Rhodey. Being familiar with her just means he knows exactly how she feels about Tony, and it really feels like a bad idea to have her here when Tony’s so vulnerable.

Rhodey knocks twice on Tony’s door. Pepper opens it, nods at the two new visitors, and leaves.

Wanda pales a little when she sees Tony, and Rhodey can’t help but feel a slightly vindictive curl of satisfaction at it. He feels guilty right after - Wanda’s just a kid, after all - but still. He can’t help it. Tony’s the only brother he’s ever had, and seeing him like this just makes him feel so raw.

Tony lifts his brow and gives Wanda his best approximation of his usual smile.

“You been doing okay?” He asks, and Wanda just stares quietly at him.

Tony fidgets uncomfortably. Wanda steps closer and sits on the seat Pepper left beside Tony.

“It has been… interesting. To see the world.”

“Good. That’s… good.”

Neither of them look at each other, and they just sit there for a couple of minutes and Rhodey’s half-decided to lead Wanda back out, when Tony coughs a little awkwardly and looks at Wanda.

“Hey.” He starts, and Wanda looks up at him.

“I’m sorry. I just want you to know that. I’m… yeah.”

Wanda blinks rapidly at Tony, and tears start leaking from the corner of one eye. Tony’s eyes widen a bit, and he makes an abortive move to pat Wanda on the back.

“I am… sorry as well.” She says, and starts sobbing. This time, Tony really does start patting Wanda on the back, and starts babbling.

“Hey, stop, crying kids are totally not my thing. Crying girls? Women?Jesus. People. Crying people. Come on. It's fine. Everything’s fine.”

Wanda lets out a strangled sound somewhere between crying and laughing, and Tony looks a little less panicked and continues talking.

Rhodey’s chest loosens up a little, and he settles into the cot in the corner of the room and tunes them out. 

Those two seem like they're going to be fine.

 

\-----

 

Steve spends the time Wanda is away hovering near the door. When she comes home, pale and subdued, Steve has to visibly restrain himself from bombarding her with questions. He swallows down his questions and makes an effort to quietly remove himself to his room. His chest is tight and his ears are ringing, and he hasn’t felt like this since before the serum.

He sits up, leans back against the headboard, and tries to  _ breathe. _

His whole life, he’s always moved forward with unerring purpose. He’s always known what he wanted to do and how to get there. He’s learned to trust  _ himself _ more than anyone, because his whole life he’s fought back against the world and everyone telling him  _ ‘no, you cannot,’  _ and has always been proven  _ right  _ in the end. 

But now, suddenly nothing is right.

Peggy is dead, Bucky is frozen, and this little family he’s built for himself have scattered to the winds.

But people who have drifted away can still be found and pulled back. As long as they - as long as  _ Tony _ \- is alright, then there’s still something he can do. A path he can walk. He just has to  _ know _ and then he can stop being  _ stuck _ and finally move forward again.

Steve lasts until after dinner before he finally asks Wanda the question he’s been holding back since she came home.

“Is he okay?” Steve asks.

Wanda looks at him, expression sad and solemn, and answers, “He’s trying to be.”

The hope and fear in his chest battle it out. His throat sticks, and he feels adrift. 

  
He’s not sure he knows how to move forward anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Tony's surgery, Rhodey has to make a decision.

Rhodey is the closest thing to family Tony has that’s still alive. So, when he and Pepper beak up, Tony asks Rhodey to be his next of kin. He keeps talking about how it’d be unfair to Pepper if she stayed the one listed, since Tony’s risky lifestyle is one of the biggest stressors in her life. All the while, he looks so  _ guilty _ , like being asked is such a big burden to Rhodey instead of an honour.

Rhodey’s always wanted to punch Howard in the face. He regrets never having done it. And Obie, too. These people taught Tony that everything Tony ever did or said was a  _ hassle _ , that Tony was not worth  _ anything _ unless he did what they wanted him to do. And the people who  _ really _ love Tony have tried so hard to reverse that - him, Pepper, Happy, Bruce, Vision, Peter… even Nat, lately. But now their time’s been cut short, and Tony may never learn to find value in himself.

The surgery itself went well.

The recovery didn’t. 

Tony’s suffered a second heart attack, and the prognosis is even worse than the first. Pepper and Happy have gone to take care of things on the Stark Industries side, and Vision and Peter are on standby in case the Avengers are needed. He and Bruce are the only ones left with Tony. Bruce motions Rhodey to step out, and Rhodey follows.

“We should let them visit.” Bruce says as soon as the door clicks shut.

Rhodey purses his lips.

“If this is it, if this is the end for Tony, you know he’d want to see them at least one last time.” Bruce continues.

Rhodey shakes his head. 

“He wouldn’t, not like this.”

“Not if this is the only chance he’s got.”

Rhodey sighs and grips the door handle tighter.

“How sure are we that they won’t make things worse?”

Bruce looks at him steadily.

“They’re not that kind of people, Rhodes. You know that.”

Rhodey doesn’t look away.

“I thought I knew them. And yet here we are.” He says, gesturing around them expansively.

“People make mistakes.”

“And they’ll keep making the same ones it if they don’t even think they’ve made any!” Rhodes says, gritting his teeth. 

“Look, I’m not saying Tony didn’t make mistakes. I know he did.  _ He _ knows he did. And god _ damn _ did he give himself a hard time about it. He’s tried so  _ hard _ Bruce. To get better. To fix things. And every single time, someone out there tells him he’s done it  _ wrong _ , that nothing he can ever do will be  _ enough _ . And then  _ these people _ ! They don’t even  _ consider _ there could be something to what we’ve been saying! So convinced they’re right they can’t even see beyond their noses to what’s happening outside their tiny safe circle. A safe circle Tony  _ made _ them, Bruce!”

“I know.”

“I’m not sure it’s worth the risk.”

Bruce steps forward and lays a hand on Rhodey’s shoulder, and he looks so sad and so understanding that Rhodey can’t keep help but listen, even if all he wants to do is shut this conversation down.

“Tony would say they’re worth the risk. And this is about Tony, Rhodes. Not us.”

Rhodey knows Bruce is right. He knows that the others would probably also agree. But it doesn’t make it any easier to give the others permission to come, to give them the slightest  _ chance _ to hurt Tony more than they’ve already had. 

But he’s the closest thing to family Tony’s got, and apart from him, Tony’s mostly only had selfish bastards pretending to be family.

He’s not going to be one of them. He’s gonna put Tony first. So he calls Natasha and tells her to bring them.

But by god, he can’t be held accountable for what he’d do if they fuck things up.

 

\-----

 

Steve knows he’s being watched. Rhodey doesn’t trust him to sit alone with Tony without someone nearby, and Steve can’t really blame him.

He told Tony he’d be there if Tony needed him. But he wasn’t. He stopped being there for Tony a long time ago. Maybe he never even started.

Has he been deluding himself? He’d always thought he was a good friend, but it looks like he’s only been a good friend to some people.

Steve reaches out a hand and tentatively brushes his fingers against Tony’s.

Rhodey doesn’t react, and Steve takes it as permission to hold Tony’s hand in his. He takes a deep breath, leans forward, and speaks quietly.

“I know I said I didn’t have a choice, Tony. Because Bucky was my friend. I told myself that even if it meant you and I would stop speaking, would stop being friends, would stop being part of the same team, even. I thought I was okay with it because I was right. The safest hands  _ are _ our own, and Bucky  _ does _ deserve to have someone undisputably in his corner. It was the right thing to do, and I was willing to do a lot of things to defend that. I didn’t mind being a bad guy, being a criminal. I thought about all of this, and I thought I was okay with it. But I’m not okay. Because something I can’t live with is happening. No matter what we’ve said and done to each other, how much we hid from each other… There are things I might never be able to tell anyone now. There are things I should have told you. Things that you deserve to hear before anyone else in this world. And now I might not be able to. It’s not worth it. This isn’t worth it, Tony.”

Steve takes another deep breath, and it’s shaky. He makes sure his hand is steady though, and that his eyes don’t leak. Rhodey’s watching, and he can’t let anyone see this. Can’t let anyone hear what he’s saying.

Tony deserves to hear all of this first. And if Tony never gets to hear it, then… no one ever will.

Steve closes his eyes and waits for his five minutes alone with Tony to expire. When people start filing back in, he squeezes Tony’s had once before letting go. He stands, reluctantly relinquishes his seat to Rhodey, and steps away.

He’s already ruined so many chances to move forward into the world he’s woken up to. All he can do now is wait and hope that the road he’s just realised he wants to take won’t be closed to him forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on [tumblr](http://breakforsanity.tumblr.com/post/144479402062/so-theres-a-fic-ive-been-wanting-to-write-since) completely thinking I'd get stuck on the next chapter a while longer. Fast forward a couple of hours and miraculously, not so blocked anymore. So here it is in ao3, now that I'm pretty sure it's gonna go somewhere. 
> 
> Feel free to bother me at [tumblr](http://breakforsanity.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
